I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
