i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
