If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
