If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
