oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
