She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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