I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
