i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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