is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
