For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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