while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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