Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
