I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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