I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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