I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
