Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
