It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
