then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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