Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
