Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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