shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
