I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
