"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
