So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
