angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
