i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
