Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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