Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
