The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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