he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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