opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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