Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
