i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
