You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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