I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
