I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
