the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
