peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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