while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
