she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
