I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
