So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
