you guys were way drunker than both of me
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
