okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
