every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
