Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
