So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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