i wish starbucks made bloody marys
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
