i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
We need to rekindle our bromance
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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