Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
