girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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